Humiliation of the self
Humiliation need not involve another person; it can be a recognition of one’s own standing, and can be a way of casting away false pride. e.g. willingly driving an hour to work, knowing you are going to have a hard time with the workload, a high possibility that no one else will be coming to work so the workload will increase.
 Humiliation of others
Humiliation of one person by another (humiliator) is often used as a way of asserting power over others, and is a common form of oppression or abuse. However, it can also be consensual, as part of an agreement with a lover of erotic humiliation. In either of these cases, it may be motivated by sadism. In addition, many punishments are deliberately designed to be humiliating, e.g. tarring and feathering, pillory, mark of infamy (stigma).

Physical abuse is, in addition to the physical damage, also humiliating, as is intimidation. Rape may, in addition to being humiliating, cause physical damage, including being infected by a sexually transmitted disease, and also the physical abuse of making an unwilling woman pregnant.
Humiliation in sport
Humiliation in sport can be regarded as defeat by a large margin – unless the opposing team has so much better circumstances that such a defeat is seen as unavoidable, such as a national team of a very small country losing against a much larger country. In particular a defeat suffered without some believable effort to prevent it, a defeat suffered by simply refusing to fight back, can cause complete loss of face or dignity by a person or team.

Erotic humiliation is the consensual use of psychological humiliation in a sexual context, whereby one person gains arousal or erotic excitement from the mixed and powerful emotions of being humiliated and demeaned, or of humiliating another. The humiliation need not be sexual in itself, as with many other sexual activities it is the feelings derived from it which are sought, regardless of the nature of the actual activity. It can be verbal or physical, and can be relatively private or public. Often it can become ritualized, and unlike some sexual variations it can also be easily carried out over a long distance or online. The distinction between humiliation and dominance in an activity such as erotic spanking is that the sought after effect is primarily the humiliation, the activity is just a means to that end.

With mild or moderate humiliation is not an uncommon part of BDSM or other sexual roleplay, humiliation play can be taken to a point where it becomes considered edgeplay by most people, either due to its extreme nature or due to the controversial views on its psychological impact. This is a highly subjective issue, and depends greatly on context.
Terminology and overview
The person being humiliated is often called a bottom, and the person who humiliates them is often called the top, (though these are standard terms used in general dominant/submissive role play and are not specific to humiliation interests) or if female, sometimes humiliatrix. Other common names are slave or sub/submissive for the bottom, and master/mistress or dom/dominant for the top.

Humiliation is not the same as dominance as the devotee is not necessarily seeking to be ordered about. Humiliation comes into its own as a sexual force when the devotee seeks the humiliation over and above the means, for example when being spanked is primarily valued because of the belittlement involved. As such, it encompasses a range of paraphilia, in particular foot fetish or shoe fetish, body worship, spanking, bondage and most BDSM styles. It can be as basic as the desire to kiss and massage feet as a precursor to sex, or it can be complex, involving roleplay or public displays of subservience. It can also be for a set period of time (a “scene”) or as an ongoing facet of a relationship.
 Means of humiliation
Sexual humiliation is very open ended. Broadly it can be divided into verbal, and physical aspects. Verbal aspects might include:

Verbal belittlement, such as “slave”, “boy”, “girl”, “missy”, “pet”.
Insults and verbal abuse, such as “fat”, “ugly”, “stupid”, “worthless”.
Degrading references such as “slut”, “tart”, “bitch”, “faggot” and “whore”.
Slighting of body parts or behaviors, such as disparaging or cruel references to breasts, facial appearance, genitalia or genital size, bottom, and slighting of mannerisms such as walking, responsiveness, standard of self-care.
Having to ask permission for everyday activities such as toilet, or eating or spending money.
Small breasts humiliation, where scorn is addressed towards the supposed inadequacy of the adult female’s breasts or her inability to please a man (and by implication her essential worthlessness as a woman and her breasts becomes an object of play for the man).
Small penis humiliation, where scorn is addressed towards the supposed inadequacy of the adult male’s genitals or his inability to please a woman (and by implication his essential worthlessness as a man and his penis becomes an object of play for the woman).
Forced repetition, such as being obliged to repeat back commands to confirm them.
Forced flattery, such as agreeing that every decision that the dominant makes is wise, correct, and justifiable while additionally praising the dominants physical and personality traits.
Mockery and ridicule.
Physical and tangible aspects might include:

Ejaculating, defecating, spitting, slapping or urinating on the bottom’s body or, especially, the face.
Performance of menial tasks or abusive workload such as cleaning the floors with a toothbrush.
Frequent performance of passive/aggressive sexual services for the dominant, such as erotic massage, cunnilingus, analingus, or fellatio without expectations of reciprocal acts or intercourse.
Detailed accountability and control (micro-management) as to time spent or activities done, including list of jobs to do, precise directions as to how the housework is to be performed, and exactly how to act and behave.
Specific rituals and affectations to be adopted. This includes displays of subservience, such as lighting cigarettes, walking a pace behind the dominant, only speaking when spoken to, kneeling or prostrating in front of the dominant when expecting orders, eating only after others or on the floor, low status place to sleep, and a wide variety of body worship activities such as kissing and/or licking the dominant’s feet, boots, buttocks, anus, vulva etc. to express acknowledgment, subservience, shame, or even positive emotions such as happiness or excitement.
Suppressed Freedom of Movement. This may include never being able to leave the room in which the dominant is present without permission, and may be forbidden to leave the house or ‘dungeon’ in general for the duration of slavery or servitude.
Detailed punishments for a variety of ‘infractions’ or misbehavior, such as having to stand in a corner facing a wall for several hours, flogging or whipping, reduced rations, or forced exercise.
Roleplaying “lower status” beings such as animals (for example dog or horse) or babies (see human animal roleplay and adult baby play).
Spanking, whipping, restraint or other BDSM activities such as cock and ball torture (CBT).
Prohibitions or restrictions on clothing. For females a common example is being mandated to only wear revealing bikinis or lingerie. For men, this may include feminizing or cross dressing. Both sexes may be expected to go completely in the nude, with decorative objects such as collars, bands, tiaras, or cuffs being the only exceptions.
Use of chastity belts or other means of erotic sexual denial.
Wearing of external signs of “ownership” such as a collar.
Having friends, family or strangers aware of or witnessing one’s treatment (i.e.: public humiliation).
Erotic objectification, where the bottom is cast in the role of an object, such as a footstool.
Embarrassment.
Forced Homosexuality
Cuckoldry, taking on a third party lover to humiliate the bottom as an expression of the relationship of the top and the bottom.
Some sexual humiliation involves inflicting pain but much of it is far more concerned with ridicule, mocking, degradation and embarrassment.

Sexual roleplaying may or may not involve humiliation. For example, one person might play the part of a dog because they enjoy being mock-forced into it and the top will emphasize the lowness of the bottom’s status as an animal, whereas another person might play the role of the dog without any element of humiliation, simply as an expression of their inner animal or playful spirit.
Psychology of humiliation
Humiliation in general touches strong emotional buttons, the more so when it becomes sexualized. Because of this, consent and paradoxically a high degree of awareness and communication is needed, to ensure that the result is desirable rather than abusive. For example, a submissive may enjoy being insulted in some ways, but genuinely crushed and devastated if humiliated or insulted in other ways.

Humiliation play is also connected to sexual fetishism, in that non-sexual activities may become sexualized by association with arousal, and also may be associated with exhibitionism in the sense of wanting others to witness (or being aroused by others witnessing) ones sexual degradation.

For some people, activities such as name-calling are a way of achieving ego reduction or getting over sexual inhibitions. For example, between gay people, terms usually associated with homophobia may be used, such as “faggot”.

As with all sexual activities, some people have sexual fantasies about humiliation, and others actually undertake it as a lifestyle or in a scene. Sexual fantasies of humiliation are very common [Citation needed], but for most people remain a fantasy – they would have strong reservations about it being public, or engaged in with a partner for real, however erotic the idea may be. If a person does reveal to their partners about their fetish, this usually is a result of a huge amount of trust shared in them, due to the huge psychological struggle they would have had to have gone through to tell them. Many people have the worry of being ridiculed for their fetish and such ridicule from their partners could be catastrophic psychologically. Therefore, many people use online humiliation (where the humiliator and others are involved via the internet using chat, email, websites, etc.) as a compromise between exhibitionism and reality on the one hand, and safety and anonymity on the other.
Online humiliation
Online humiliation is the desire to be seen in a sexually embarrassing context via the internet. It allows the submissive to seek fetish partners across the world, to send them embarrassing pictures or to submit to their demeaning instructions. The process can be conducted via chat and webcam, via email, via dating and contact websites, or even via online auctions where the person publicly bids for items that reveal their fetishes.

http://www.orgasmsdenied.com/

The term “BDSM” is an abbreviation derived from the terms bondage, discipline, dominance and submission, sadism and masochism. It defines a spectrum of behaviors, including dominance, submission, punishment, masochism, bondage, role play and a large variety of other activities, frequently sexual in nature. “BDSM” is the collective term for a group of related sexual preferences common in issue-related literature, which are sometimes referred to as D/s, sadomasochism, or S&M (also written S-and-M).

BDSM can also be referred to as “kinky sex”, “power exchange” or “the lifestyle”. BDSM mainly involves at least two participants, these being the “Top” who is the dominant partner in the relationship and the “Bottom” who is the submissive.

BDSM tends to involves “Scenes” where the party enjoys a scenario which normally tends to involve one of the party voluntarily giving up any form of control or authority. It is important that the process is voluntary and that whoever is giving up control is willing to perform what tasks are asked of them. This is expressed in the expression “Safe, sane and consensual”, which means that the particpants are aware of the dangerous of what they are doing, that what they are doing is sensible and in a right frame of mind, and that full informed consent has been given by everyone. A similar term used is “Risk-aware consensual kink” (RACK), although this practice expands the range of things that can be performed.

Many variations of BDSM involve one partner voluntarily giving up control. The submissive partner gives control to the dominant partner in a ritualized interaction known as power exchange. The dominant partner is referred to as the “Dom,” “Dominant,” or “Top” and the submissive partner is called “sub,” “submissive,” or “Bottom”. In accordance with the commonly-used nomenclature in issue-related discussions among the practitioners, this article will use the terms Top and Bottom to describe the particular role-playing partner.

BDSM actions often take place during a specific period of time agreed to by both parties, referred to as “play,” “a scene” or “a session.” All parties involved usually derive pleasure from this, even though many of the practices that are performed, such as inflicting pain, humiliation or being restrained would be considered unpleasant under normal circumstances. Sexual intercourse, be it oral, anal or vaginal, may occur within a session, but is not essential.

The fundamental principles for the exercise of BDSM require that it should be performed by mature and responsible partners, of their own volition, and in a safe way. Since the 1980s, these basic principles have been condensed into the motto “Safe, sane and consensual”, abbreviated as SSC, which means that everything is based on safe, sane and consenting behavior of all involved parties.This mutual consent makes a clear legal and ethical distinction between BDSM and crimes such as sexual assault or domestic violence.

Some BDSM practitioners prefer a code of behavior that differs from “SSC” and described as “Risk Aware Consensual Kink” (RACK), indicating a preference of a style in which the individual responsibility of the involved parties is emphasized more strongly, with each participant being responsible for his or her own well-being. RACK focuses primarily upon awareness and informed consent, rather than accepted safe practices.Consent is the most important criterion here. The consent and compliance for a sadomasochistic situation can be granted only by people who are able to judge the potential results. For their consent, they must have all relevant information at hand and the necessary mental capacity to judge. The resulting consent and understanding is often summarized in a “contract”, an agreement of what can and cannot take place.

In general, it must be possible for the consenting partner to withdraw his or her consent at any given time; for example, by using a safeword that was agreed on in advance. Failure to honor a safeword is considered the most serious misconduct that can take place in BDSM and can even change the sexual consent situation into a crime, depending on the relevant law, since the bottom has explicitly revoked his or her consent to any actions which follow the use of the safeword (see Legal status).

SAFETY
Aside from the general advice related to Safer Sex, BDSM sessions often require a much wider array of safety precautions than typical Vanilla Sex (sexual behavior without BDSM elements).[13] To keep all acts within the framework agreed upon by all participants, a commonly accepted set of rules and safety measures has emerged within the BDSM community.

To ensure consensus related to BDSM activity, pre-play negotiations are commonplace, especially among partners who do not know each other very well. These negotiations concern the interests and fantasies of each partner and establish a framework.This kind of discussion is a typical “unique selling proposition” of BDSM sessions and quite commonplace.Additionally, safewords are often arranged to provide for an immediate stop of any activity if any participant should so desire.Quick and reliable response to safewords is an imperative for safe BDSM. In case of voice constraints of the bottom, eye contact or hand signs might be the only means of communication and are therefore of very high importance for safety.

Practical safety aspects are of tremendous importance. It is highly important during bondage sessions to understand which parts of the human body have a risk of damage to nerves and blood vessels by contusion or have a high risk of scar development. Using crops, whips or floggers, the top’s fine motor skills and anatomical knowledge can make the difference between a satisfying session for the bottom and a highly unpleasant experience, possibly including severe physical harm.The very broad range of different BDSM “toys” and physical and psychological control techniques often requires a far-reaching knowledge of details related to the requirements of the individual session, such as anatomy, physics, and psychology.

It is necessary to be able to identify a bottom’s psychological “freakouts” in advance in order to avoid it. Such losses of emotional balance due to sensory or emotional overload are the most common SM emergency. It is extremely important to follow his or her reactions empathetically and continue or stop accordingly.

BONDAGE/DISCIPLINE

Bondage and Discipline are two aspects of BDSM that do not necessarily relate to one another, but can appear jointly. The term “Bondage” describes the practice of restraining for pleasure. Bondage is usually, but not always, a sexual practice. While bondage is a very popular variation within the larger field of BDSM, it is nevertheless sometimes differentiated from the rest of this field. Studies among BDSM practitioners in the U.S. have shown that about half of all men find the idea of bondage to be erotic; many women do as well. Strictly speaking, bondage means binding the partner by tying their appendages together; for example, by the use of handcuffs or by lashing their arms to an object. Bondage can be also be achieved by spreading the appendages and fastening them with chains to a St. Andrews cross or spreader bars.

The term “Discipline” describes the use of rules and punishment to control overt behavior in BDSM.Punishment can be pain caused physically (such as caning), humiliation caused psychologically (such as a public flagellation) or loss of freedom caused physically (eg. chaining the Bottom to the foot of a bed). Another aspect is the structured training of the Bottom. Overlap with practices from the field of bondage can occur, but is not necessarily mandatory. A differentiation between bondage and discipline is sometimes difficult.

SADOMASOCHISM
The term “Sadomasochism” is derived from the words “Sadism” and “Masochism” (see Etymology). In the context of consensual sexual activities, sadism and masochism are not strictly accurate terms; there is a significant difference from the medical or psychological usage of both terms. Sadomasochism refers to the physical aspects of BDSM. Sadism describes sexual pleasure derived by inflicting pain, degradation, or humiliation on another person. On the other hand, the masochist enjoys being bound, spanked or suffering within the consensual scenario. Sadomasochists do not enjoy causing or receiving pain in other situations (e.g. accidental injury, medical procedures). Discipline often incorporates sadomasochistic aspects. Sadomasochism is practiced in isolation relatively rarely, although certain practices BDSM can be performed solo, such as self-bondage and autoerotic asphyxia, but such practices can be dangerous resulting injury or death

PHYSICAL ASPECTS

On a physical level, BDSM is partly connected to the intentional infliction of physical pain, suffering and other intense sensations. BDSM practitioners often compare the effects induced by the resulting endorphins to the so-called “runner’s high” or to the afterglow of orgasm. The corresponding trance-like mental state is also known as “subspace” and is regularly described as very comforting. Some use the term “body stress” to describe this physiological sensation.This experience of Algolagnia is important, but is not the only motivation for many BDSM practitioners. The philosopher Edmund Burke defines this sensation of pleasure derived from pain by the word sublime. The regions of the brain that manage sexual stimuli and pain overlap, resulting in some individuals associating pain with sexual pleasure as the neurological reactions are intertwined. A minority of BDSM practitioners take part in sessions for which they do not receive any personal gratification. They enter such situations solely with the intention to allow their partners to fulfill their own needs and/or fetishes.

In some BDSM sessions, the Top exposes the Bottom to a wide range of sensual impressions, for example: pinching, biting, scratching with fingernails, spanking or the use of various objects such as crops, whips, liquid wax, icecubes, Wartenberg wheels, erotic electrostimulation or others.Fixation by handcuffs, ropes or chains may be used as well. The repertoire of possible “toys” is limited only by the imagination of both partners. To some extent, everyday items like clothes-pins, wooden spoons or plastic wrap are used as pervertibles.It is commonly considered that a pleasurable BDSM experience during a session is very strongly dependent upon the Top’s competence and experience and the Bottom’s physical and mental state at the time of the session. Trust and sexual arousal help the partners enter a shared mindset.Some BDSM practitioners compare related sensations with musical compositions and representation, in which single sensual impressions are the musical notes of the situation. From this point of view, different sensuous impressions are combined to create a total experience leaving a lasting impression.

PLAY RELATIONS
Many BDSM practitioners regard the practice of BDSM in their sex life as sexual roleplaying and therefore speak of “Play” and “Playing. The execution of such play is termed a “Session”, and the contents and the circumstances of the play are often referred to as a “Scene”. The term “Play relations” is used as well, describing two different aspects:

First, the expression is used in usual emancipated relationships, in which BDSM is part of, or foreplay to, sexual activities. If several relationships with intense emotional connections exist over a longer time, then there can exist an overlap with the practice of polyamory. Second, the term “play relations” can describe relationships which are based exclusively on the occasional conjoint realization of sexual fantasies as a common goal and in which no further relationship exists.

COMMON ROLE MODELS
TOPS AND BOTTOMS
In BDSM terminology the partner who has the active, i.e. controlling role in a session or in the entire relationship is described as “Top”, a role that often involves inflicting pain, degradation or subjection. The partner referred to as “Bottom” or more frequently as Sub, exposes him- or herself voluntarily to those actions during the session and/or is the passive partner in the connection. Although the Top habitually is the dominant and the Bottom the submissive partner, it is not inevitably. In some cases the Top follows instructions, i.e. he “tops” the Bottom according to the Bottom’s desires and in a way the Bottom expressly requires. A Top only having apparent control, while he in reality is conforming the instructions given by the Bottom, is labeled Service Top. Contrasting with the Service Top is the Dominant Top, controlling his submissive partner by using physical or psychological techniques during the session or in lifestyle. If desired the Top can even instruct the submissive partner to exercise temporary control.

A similar distinction also may apply to Bottoms. At one end of the spectrum are those who are indifferent to, or even reject physical stimulations. At the other end of the range are Bottoms who enjoy physical and psychological stimulations but are not willing to be subordinate to the person who applies these. The Bottom is frequently the partner who specifies the basic conditions of the session and gives instructions, directly or indirectly, in the prelude to the session, while the Top often respects this guidance. Other Bottoms try to control their Top by provoking reactions or “misbehaving” to attract interest. Nevertheless a small, very puristic “school” exists within the BDSM community, which regards such “Topping from the Bottom” as incompatible with the standards of BDSM relations.

SWITCH

Some BDSM practitioners “Switch”, meaning they play either or both roles, Top or Bottom, depending on the actual session’s setting. They may practice this within one specific session or take these different roles in different sessions with the same or different partners. There are many reasons for this. Sometimes a switch lives in a relationship with a partner of the same primary preference (for example, two Tops), so switching represents the only possibility of being able to fulfill all of his or her BDSM needs within the relationship. Some people change roles without regarding themselves as Switches, since they do it only very irregularly or only under certain circumstances

NON-EROTIC
Contrasting such “play relationships” are relationships in which everyday life is clearly framed by the concept of BDSM even outside of sexual activities. The partners involved maintain in their daily life an appropriate balance of power and accordingly make aspects of BDSM a consistent part of their lifestyle. Here, BDSM cannot be designated a merely sexual phenomenon. The term “24/7 relationship” is derived from 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Another term for such behavior is “D/s”, derived from “Dominant/submissive”. The dominant partner controls most aspects of the submissive’s life. Particular areas of life such as work, family, or friends can be excluded from the D/s relationship and not be placed under control of the dominant partner. Some D/s relationships, however, cover all areas of life; such constellations are designated as a “Total Power Exchange” (TPE). In D/s, and especially in TPE relationships, changes in the balance of power (so-called “Switching”) do not take place. TPE relationships probably represent the least common role behavior within the BDSM spectrum.

PROFESSIONAL SERVICES
A professional dominatrix or professional dominant, often referred to within the culture as a “pro-domme”, offers services encompassing the range of bondage, discipline, and dominance in exchange for money. Many dominatrices do not see themselves as prostitutes, since sexual intercourse between dominatrix and client usually is out of the question. However, in some cases, the sexual gratification or climax of the client may be permitted by other means.The term “Dominatrix” is little-used within the non-professional BDSM scene. A non-professional dominant woman is more commonly referred to as a “Domme” or “Femdom”. Dommes may title themselves as “Lady”, “Mistress” or “Madame”, and require their submissives to address them in this fashion, to emphasize the shift of power. Far more seldom seen are the services of professional female “Slaves”. A professional slave brooks her costumer’s dominant behavior within negotiated limits.

SCENE: SUBCULTURE AND PUBLIC
Today, the BDSM culture exists in most western countries.This offers BDSM practitioners the opportunity to discuss BDSM relevant topics and problems with like-minded people. This culture is often viewed as a subcultures, mainly because BDSM is often still regarded as “ill”, “bizarre” or “perverse” by a large segment of the public and the media. Many people hide their leaning from society since they are afraid of the incomprehension and of social exclusion. It is commonly known in the BDSM culture that there are practitioners living on all continents, but there is no documented evidence for many countries (due to restrictive laws and censorship motivated by politics or religion) except their presence in online BDSM communities and dating sites.

This scene appears particularly on the Internet, in publications, and in meetings such as SM parties, gatherings called munches, and erotic fairs. The annual Folsom Street Fair is the world’s largest BDSM event. It has its roots in the gay leather movement. There are also conventions like Living in Leather, TESfest and Black Rose. North American cities that have large BDSM communities include New York City, Seattle, Los Angeles, Chicago, Houston, Philadelphia, San Francisco, San Diego, Dallas, Minneapolis, Toronto, Winnipeg, and Vancouver. European cities with large BDSM communities include London, Paris, Berlin, Amsterdam, Munich, Cologne, Hamburg and Rome

SYMBOLS
BDSM- and fetish movements have spread widely in western societies’ everyday life by different factors as avant-garde fashion, Rap, Hip-Hop, Heavy Metal, goth subculture and Science Fiction-TV series, and are often not consciously connected with their BDSM roots by many people. The use of Piercings is not scene typical anymore. While it was mainly bound to the Punk- and BDSM-subcultures in the 1990’s, it has spread into wide parts of the western populations today.

The Leather Pride flag is a symbol for the Leather subculture and also widely used within BDSM. In continental Europe the Ring of O is wide spread among BDSM-Practitioners. The Triskelion, while quite common in the Anglo-Saxon communities, is less common in Europe. It has significantly higher degree of “signal impact” than the ring which is also common in Goth subculture and widely sold as bling jewelry.

PREJIDICES
Understanding of BDSM culture and practices remains intertwined with prejudices, clichés and stereotypes. Misunderstandings may arise from general lack of knowledge concerning sexuality and sexual practices as well as misconceptions on how one’s personal life and public persona can vary greatly. For example, it is sometimes assumed that a submissive would prefer to experience pain and degradation in their everyday life, or conversely, that they would prefer to have exactly the opposite. There is no clear correlation between the position in everyday life and BDSM preferences. A further misunderstanding is that members of BDSM communities want only to be hurt or to inflict physical, psychological and mental pain, which diminishes and disparages the emotional and spiritual relationships that develop.

Another misconception is the idea of women generally being the dominant part in BDSM relationships. Quite often the picture of BDSM is reduced to the idea of crude corporal punishment, neglecting the broad spectrum of behaviors within the culture. Along with the whip-swinging dominatrix, the sadomasochist in full leather regalia is another common cliché. While overlaps between different kinds of fetishism can exist, there is no inevitable connection between BDSM and fetishisms (eg: Latex, pvc or leather). The frequent occurrence of such clothing can be partly explained by its function as a quasi-formalized dress code. The relative openness towards alternative lifestyles results in fetishisms being more substantially lived within the culture of BDSM than in other cultures.

Since the term BDSM covers several different aspects and these occur with varying emphasis, the arising spectrum of individual interests and personalities is large and extremely diverse. Due to the lack of information in the total population and the reluctance with many to come out about matters of an extremely personal nature leads to situations in which actions and statements of individual BDSM practitioners are accredited to the community at large just as the larger LGBT community has been characterized by drag queens and other minority communities similarly mischaracterized.

At least in the western, industrialized countries and Japan, since the 1980s sadomasochists have begun to form information exchange and support groups to counter discriminatory images. This has happened independently in the United States and in several European countries. With the advent of the web, international cooperation has started to develop — for example Datenschlag is a joint effort of sadomasochists in the three major German-speaking countries, and the mailing list Schlagworte uses the model of a news agency to connect six countries. Some credit highly publicized events like Operation Spanner and the International leather contests with fostering international cooperation and collaboration.

COMING OUT
Some people who feel attracted by the situations usually compiled under the term BDSM reach a point where they decide to come out of the closet. While LGBT people increasingly are coming out publicly, sadomasochists keep still themselves comparatively closeted. Even so, depending upon a survey’s participants, about 5 to 25 percent of the US-American population show affinity to the subject. Other than a few artists, practically no celebrities are publicly known as sadomasochists.

Public knowledge of one’s BDSM lifestyle can have devastating vocational and social effects (Persona non grata) for sadomasochists. The reason for this is seen by some authors as a mixture of lack of public educational advertising, lurid media coverage and substantial criticism from some feminists, whose call for more rigid laws in Switzerland has threatened the legal status of sadomasochism. Within feminist circles there are two basic positions within the discussion: a sadophobe faction on the one side (see Alice Schwarzer) and a sex-positive on the other (see Samois); both of them can be traced back to the 1970s.

Opponents of BDSM contend that it can lead to domestic violence.There is no scientific evidence for this theory. Many feminists have criticized BDSM for eroticizing power and violence, and for reinforcing misogyny. They argue that women who choose to engage in BDSM are making a choice that is ultimately bad for women.Sex-positive feminists argue that consensual BDSM activities are enjoyed by some women and validate the sexual inclinations of these women. They argue that feminists should not attack other women’s sexual desires as being “anti-feminist”, and that there is no connection between consensual kinky activities and sex crimes. While some radical feminists suggest connections between consensual BDSM scenes and non-consensual rape and sexual assault, sex-positive feminists may tend to find this insulting to women.

It is often mentioned that in BDSM, roles are not fixed to gender, but personal preferences. Several studies on the correlation of BDSM pornography and the violence against women recapitulate that there is no correlation. Japan is a useful example: a country which has the lowest rate of sexual crimes of all industrialized nations while being well known for its comprehensive BDSM- and Bondage pornography (see Pornography in Japan).In 1991 a lateral survey came to the conclusion that between 1964 and 1984, despite the increase in amount and availability of sadomasochistic pornography in the US, Germany, Denmark and Sweden there is no correlation with the national number of rapes to be found.

Operation Spanner in the UK proves that BDSM practitioners still run the risk of being stigmatized as criminals. In 2003, the media coverage of Jack McGeorge showed that simply participating and working in BDSM support groups poses risks to one’s job, even in countries where no law restricts it. Here a clear difference can be seen to the situation of homosexuals. The psychological strain appearing in some individual cases is normally neither articulated nor acknowledged in public. Nevertheless it leads to a difficult psychological situation in which the person concerned can be exposed to high levels of emotional stress.

In the stages of “self awareness” , he or she realizes their desires related to BDSM scenarios and/or decides to be open for such. Some authors call this internal coming-out. Two separate surveys on this topic independently came to the conclusion that 58 percent and 67 percent of the sample respectively, had realized their disposition before their 19th birthday. Other surveys on this topic show comparable results.Independent of age, coming-out can potentially result in a difficult life crisis, sometimes leading to thoughts or acts of suicide. While homosexuals have created support networks in the last decades, sadomasochistic support networks are just starting to develop in most countries. In German speaking countries they are only moderately more developed. The internet is the prime contact point for support groups today, allowing for local and international networking. In the US Kink Aware Professionals (KAP) a privately funded, non-profit service provides the community with referrals to psychotherapeutic, medical, and legal professionals who are knowledgeable about and sensitive to the BDSM, fetish, and leather community. In the USA and the UK, the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom (NCSF) and Sexual Freedom Coalition (SFC) have emerged to represent the interests of sadomasochists. The German Bundesvereinigung Sadomasochismus e.V. is committed to the same aim of providing information and driving press relations. In 1996 the website and mailing list Datenschlag went online in German and English providing the largest bibliography, as well as one of the most extensive historical collections of sources related to BDSM
PARTIES AND CLUBS
BDSM parties are events on which BDSM practitioners and other similarly interested people meet in order to communicate, share experiences and knowledge, and to “play” in an erotic atmosphere. The parties show similarities with ones in the Dark Culture, being based on a more or less strictly enforced dress code; most often frivolous clothing made of latex, leather or lacquer (vinyl, PVC), latex, lycra etc., emphasizing the body’s shape and the primary and secondary sexual characteristic. The requirement for such dress codes differ. While some events have none, others have a policy in order create a more coherent atmosphere and to prevent voyeurs from taking part.

At these parties, BDSM can be publicly performed on a stage, or more privately in separees or dungeons. Sexual intercourse stands is usually not the center of the activities. A reason for the relatively fast spread of this kind of event is the opportunity to use a wide range of “playing equipment”, which in most apartments or houses is unavailable. Slings, St. Andrews crosses, spanking benches, and punishing supports or cages are often made available. The problem of noise disturbance is also lessened at these events, while in the home setting many BDSM activities can be limited by this factor. In addition, such parties offer both exhibitionists and voyeurs a forum to indulge their inclinations without social approbation. In order to ensure the maximum safety and comfort for the participants certain standards of behavior have evolved, these include aspects of courtesy, privacy, respect and safewords among others.Today, BDSM parties are taking place in most of the larger cities in the western world.

In some cities there are specialized BDSM clubs with a more or less structured program schedule, in which theme parties alternate with topic-free “play evenings”, similar to the business concepts of more conventional nightclubs. Social control of these parties and/or in the clubs is far higher than in a normal discotheque. Consensuality in the public BDSM sessions is strictly enforced. Apart from commercial events there are also privately organized or only moderately profit-oriented parties, which are organized by BDSM groups and individuals. Minors are not allowed at parties or clubs.
INCIDENCE

BDSM is practiced in all social strata and is common in both heterosexual and homosexual men and women in varied occurrences and intensities. The spectrum ranges from couples with no connections to the subculture in their homes, without any awareness of the concept of BDSM, playing “tie-me-up-games”, to public scenes on St. Andrew’s crosses at large events, for example the Folsom-Fairs in several American and European cities. The percentage of women is significant higher than that of most behavior patterns formally considered to be paraphilias. Estimation on the overall percentage of BDSM related sexual behavior in the general population range from 5 to 25 percent, depending on the scientific objectives.

A non-representative survey on the sexual behavior of American students published in 1997 and based on questionnaires had a response rate of about 8,9%. It results showed 15% of openly homosexual males, 21% of openly lesbian and female bisexual students, 11% of the male and 9% of the female heterosexual students committed to BDSM related fantasies. In all groups the level of practical BDSM experiences varied about 6%. Within the group of openly female bisexuals and lesbians the quote was significantly higher, at 21%. Independent of their sexual orientation, about 12% of all questioned students, 16% of the outed female homo- and bisexuals and 8% of the male heterosexuals articulated an interest in spanking. Experience with this sexual behavior was indicated by 30% of male heterosexuals, 33% of female bisexuals and lesbians, and 24% of the male homo- and bisexual men and female heterosexual women.Even if this study were not considered representative, other surveys indicate similar dimensions in a differing target groups.

In a representative study published in 1999 by the German Institut für rationale Psychologie, about two thirds of the interviewed women stated a desire to be at the mercy of their sexual partners from time to time. 69% admitted to fantasies dealing with sexual submissiveness, 42% stated interest in explicit BDSM techniques, 25% in Bondage. A 1976 study in the general U.S. population suggests three percent have had positive experiences with Bondage or master-slave role playing. Overall 12% of the interviewed females and 18% of the males were willing to try it. A 1990 Kinsey Institute report stated that 5% to 10% of Americans occasionally engage in sexual activities related to BDSM. 11% of men and 17% of women reported trying bondage.Some elements of BDSM have been popularized through increased media coverage since the middle 1990s. Thus both black leather clothing, sexual jewelery such as chains and dominance role play appear increasingly outside of BDSM contexts.

According to a 2005 survey of 317.000 people in 41 countries, about 20% of the surveyed people have at least once used masks, blindfolds or other bondage utilities, and 5% explicitly connected themselves with sadomasochism.In 2004, 19% mentioned spanking as one of their practices and 22% confirmed the use of blindfolds and/or handcuffs. Some BDSM-accessories, like the Ring of O, have been integrated into the jewelry collections of internationally well known designers like Calvin Klein.
PSYCHOLOGICAL CATEGORIZATION

In the past many activities and fantasies related to BDSM were generally attributed to sadism or masochism and were regarded by psychiatrists as pathologic. Following the International Classification of Diseases  sadomasochism is categorized a “Disorder of sexual preference  and described as follows: “A preference for sexual activity which involves the infliction of pain or humiliation, or bondage. If the subject prefers to be the recipient of such stimulation this is called masochism; if the provider, sadism.” Often an individual obtains sexual excitement from both sadistic and masochistic activities.

With the publication of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-IV) in 1994 new criteria of diagnosis were available describing BDSM clearly not as disorders of sexual preferences. They are now not regarded as illnesses in and of themselves. The DSM-IV asserts that “The fantasies, sexual urges, or behaviors” must “cause clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning” in order for sexual sadism or masochism to be considered a disorder. The manualls’ latest edition (DSM-IV-TR) requires that the activity must be the sole means of sexual gratification for a period of six (6) months, and either cause “clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning” or involve a violation of “Consent” to be diagnosed as a paraphilia.Overlays of sexual preference disorders and the practice of BDSM practices can occur, however.

In Europe, an organization called ReviseF65 has worked towards this purpose in the International Classification of Diseases In 1995 as the first European Union country Denmark has completely removed sadomasochism from the it’s national classification of diseases. Recent surveys on the spread of BDSM fantasies and -practices show strong variations in the range of their results. Nevertheless it can be stated that the vast majority of the researchers assume 5 to 25 percent of the population showing sexual behavior related to joyfully experienced pain or dominance and submission. The population with related fantasies is considered even higher.

There are only a few studies researching the psychological aspects of BDSM using modern scientific standards. A pivotal survey on the subject was published by US-American psychotherapist Charles Moser in 1988 in the Journal of Social Work and Human Sexuality. His conclusion was that while there is a general lack of data on the psychological problems of BDSM practitioners, some fundamental results are obvious. He emphasizes that there is no evidence for the theory that BDSM has common symptoms or any common psychopathology; Clinical literature, though does not give a consistent picture of BDSM practitioners. Moser emphasizes that there is no evidence at all supporting the theory of BDSM practitioners having any special psychiatric problems or even problems based solely on their preferences.

Problems do sometimes occur in the area of self classification by the person concerned. During the phase of the “coming-out”, self questioning related to one’s own “normality” is quite common. According to Moser, the discovery of BDSM preferences can result in fear of the current non-BDSM relationship’s destruction. This, combined with the fear of discrimination in everyday life, leads in some cases to a double life which can be highly burdensome. At the same time, the denial of BDSM preferences can induce stress and dissatisfaction with one’s own “vanilla”-lifestyle, feeding the apprehension of finding no partner. Moser states that BDSM practitioners having problems finding BDSM partners would probably have problems in finding a non-BDSM partner as well. The wish to remove BDSM preferences is another possible reason for psychological problems since it is not possible in most cases. Finally, the scientist states that BDSM practitioners seldom commit violent crimes. From his point of view, crimes of BDSM pracitioners usually have no connection with the BDSM components existing in their life. Moser’s study comes to the conclusion that there is no scientific evidence, which could give reason to refuse members of this group work- or safety certificates, adoption possibilities, custody or other social rights or privileges. The Swiss psychoanalyst Fritz Morgenthaler shares a similar perspective in his book, Homosexuality, Heterosexuality, Perversion (1988). He states that possible problems result not necessarily from the non-normative behavior, but in most cases primarily from the real or feared reactions of the social environment towards the own preferences. In 1940 psychoanalyst Theodor Reik reached implicitly the same conclusion in his standard work Aus Leiden Freuden. Masochismus und Gesellschaft.

HISTORY

The historical origins of BDSM are obscure. During the 9th century BC, ritual flagellations were performed in Artemis Orthia, one of the most important religious areas of ancient Sparta, where the Cult of Orthia, a preolympic religion, was practiced. Here ritual flagellation called diamastigosis took place on a regular basis. One of the oldest graphical proofs of sadomasochistic activities is found in an Etruscan burial site in Tarquinia. Inside the Tomba della Fustigazione (Flogging grave), in the latter 6th century b.c., two men are portrayed flagellating a woman with a cane and a hand during an erotic situation. Another reference related to flagellation is to be found in the 6th book of the Satires of the ancient Roman Poet Juvenal (1st – 2nd century ad), further reference can be found in The Satyricon of Petronius where a delinquent is whipped for sexual arousal.Anecdotal narratives related to humans who have had themselves voluntary bound, flagellated or whipped as a substitute for sex or as part of foreplay reach back to the 3rd and 4th century.

The Kama Sutra describes four different kinds of hitting during lovemaking, the allowed regions of the human body to target and different kinds of joyful “cries of pain” practiced by bottoms. The collection of historic texts related to sensuous experiences explicitly emphasizes that impact play, biting and pinching during sexual activities should only be performed consensually since some women do not consider such behavior to be joyful. From this perspective the Kama Sutra can be considered as one of the first written resources dealing with sadomasochistic activities and safety rules Further texts with sadomasochistic connotation appear worldwide during the following centuries on a regular basis.

There are anecdotal reports of people willingly being bound or whipped, as a prelude to or substitute for sex, during the fourteenth century. The medieval phenomenon of courtly love in all of its slavish devotion and ambivalence has been suggested by some writers to be a precursor of BDSM.Some sources claim that BDSM as a distinct form of sexual behavior originated at the beginning of the eighteenth century when Western civilization began medically and legally categorizing sexual behavior (see Etymology). There are reports of brothels specializing in flagellation as early as 1769, and John Cleland’s novel Fanny Hill, published in 1749, mentions a flagellation scene.Other sources give a broader definition, citing BDSM-like behavior in earlier times and other cultures, such as the medieval flagellates and the physical ordeal rituals of some Native American societies.

Although the names of the Marquis de Sade and Leopold von Sacher-Masoch are attached to the terms sadism and masochism respectively, Sade’s way of life is not meeting with modern BDSM standards of informed consent.BDSM ideas and imagery have existed on the fringes of Western culture throughout the twentieth century. Robert Bienvenu attributes the origins of modern BDSM to three sources, which he names as “European Fetish” (from 1928), “American Fetish” (from 1934), and “Gay Leather” (from 1950). Another source are the sexual games played in brothels, which go back into the nineteenth century if not earlier. Irving Klaw, during the 1950s and 1960s, produced some of the first commercial film and photography with a BDSM theme (most notably with Bettie Page) and published comics by the now-iconic bondage artists John Willie and Eric Stanton.

Stanton’s model Bettie Page became at the same time one of the first successful models in the area of fetish photography and one of the most famous pin-up girls of American mainstream culture. Italian author and designer Guido Crepax was deeply influenced by him, coining the style and development of European adult comics in the second half of the 20th century. The artists Helmut Newton and Robert Mapplethorpe are the most prominent examples of the increasing use of BDSM-related motives in modern photography and the public discussions still resulting from this.

LEATHER MOVEMENT

Much of the BDSM ethos can be traced back to the gay male leather culture, which formalized itself out of the group of men who were soldiers returning home after World War II (1939-1945).This subculture is epitomized by the Leatherman’s Handbook by Larry Townsend, published in 1972, which essentially defined what was later called the “Old Guard leather” culture.This code emphasized strict formality and fixed roles (i.e. no switching), and did not include lesbian women or heterosexuals. In 1981, however, the publication of Coming to Power by lesbian-feminist group Samois led to a greater knowledge and acceptance of BDSM in the lesbian community.They got into conflict with fundamentalist part of the feminist movement which considers BDSM to be the base of misogyny and violent porn.

Today the Leather Movement is often seen as a part of the BDSM-culture instead as a development deriving from gay subculture, even if a huge part of the BDSM-subculture was gay in the past. In the 1990s the so called New Guard leather subculture evolved as a reaction to the Old Guard’s restrictions. This new orientation embraced switching and started to integrate psychological aspects into their play and to diminish the old rigid distinction of roles and the exclusion of heterosexuals and women which was widely considered a basic principle of the Old Guard.

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Michael and Tammy Bethel have an unusual marriage. She can have sex with anyone she wants. He can’t.

Now they also have an unusual federal lawsuit.

In enough detail to make even the most staid federal judge blush, Michael Bethel, a former Pueblo police sergeant, claims he was fired because he and his wife engage in a “cuckold” sexual relationship.

Tammy Bethel is free to have sex with other people, provided they are not married or minors, and she tells her husband about it, the lawsuit states.

Michael Bethel is allowed to have sex only with his wife, though he sometimes joins her while she has sex with others. He sometimes videotapes or photographs the encounters, according to the document.

The lawsuit also claims the city and Police Chief James Billings wrongly accused Bethel of witness tampering and using his job to scout sex partners for his wife.

Bethel was acquitted of the charges in March.

According to the lawsuit, the Bethels have been married for about 20 years, and Tammy Bethel has been having sex with other people for the past 10.

The arrangement was rumored but not widely known in the Pueblo Police Department for most of the time Bethel worked there, the Pueblo Chieftain reported.

But it became common knowledge shortly after Bethel was dispatched to a Pueblo apartment in September 2005.

In the lawsuit, Bethel said he went to the apartment to stand by as the girlfriend of the 23- year-old tenant removed her belongings. The next day, he realized he might have left a notebook at the apartment. Because he was off that day, he stopped by the apartment with his wife. While there, the tenant, Jamarlon Keys, invited Tammy Bethel to return “anytime she wished,” the lawsuit states.

The couple returned a few weeks later and engaged in sex, which was videotaped, according to the court filing.

A month later, Keys’ ex-girlfriend was charged with burglarizing the apartment. Among the items authorities said she took was the videotape.

Keys later told police that Michael Bethel tried to get him to drop charges or not testify against his ex-girlfriend in order to keep the district attorney’s office from viewing the videotape.

Bethel denied the allegation.

According to his lawsuit, police secretly recorded conversations in which he and his wife told Keys they weren’t concerned about anyone seeing the tape. They also claim that prosecutors dropped or reduced charges against Keys in exchange for his testifying in court against Bethel.

Bethel was fired from the department in June 2006. Four days later, he was charged with felony witness tampering and official misconduct. A judge threw out the felony charge in March, saying Keys was a victim, not a witness. A jury returned a not-guilty verdict on the misconduct charge that month.

The Bethels, who have three sons, told the Pueblo Chieftain in March that -Michael Bethel was working at a grocery store.

Michael Bethel told the newspaper that being fired and prosecuted was “the toughest thing that I have ever had to deal with.”

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A Nigerian man has been given a week to decide whether to spend a year in prison or pay a $43 fine for cutting off the penis of a man caught making love to his wife.A court found Dugari Dantani guilty of causing grievous bodily harm to Dan Jangeru in the town of Kaura-Namoda

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Lewis Hamilton has spoken for the first time in depth about his troubled relationship with former team mate and crooner Fernando Alonso. In the interview he revealed shocking revelations regarding his hostility to the ’sore losing w*nker.

When commenting on a rumour that both were ‘really good mates’ who played the PS2 together Lewis revealed a different story.

‘I would often ask Fernando to play a two player with me. After much time thinking he’d say yes and we would both start playing Grand Theft Auto co operative together. Well it was meant to be co-operative until he picked up a rubber dildo and started bashing my character to death. I said ‘you can’t do that!’ and he would just give me a sinister smile. Bastard. He also threatned to sh*t on Ron Dennis’s bed if he wasn’t given no.1 status in the team. I mean what a facist d*ck!’

Asked how he’d think his former team mate would get on in 2008 Lewis responded ‘It doesn’t matter how he’ll get on, he’ll still be a two faced cock to me and Britain. Without him in the team McLaren will be a better place. Briatore (Alonso’s new team manager and former as well) can ass lick once more with that queer back there.’

The interview comes somewhat as a surprise given the Brit’s usual cool, nice mannered approach in interviews.

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Although it may sound like it, this is definitely not the type of cock involved in cuckolding.

TALLAHASSEE – A Florida man is definitely not laughing after being made a cuckold by his wife of five years. For those of you who are uneducated, and I know there are a lot, a cuckold is a husband whose wife was boned by another dude (clearly not a situation to be laughing about).

Ben Smith, returned early from work to his home on Friday to find his wife, Betty, being ‘hand-tossed’ by a sliver-tongued delivery boy from Domino’s pizza.

Betty Smith, 34, was reportedly enticed into the extra-marital affair when Joseph Barnes, the delivery boy, inquired as to whether Mrs. Smith, “wanted extra sausage with her pizza.”

It is rumored that Betty replied by saying, “only if I get extra sauce.”

Florida prosecutors are contemplating whether to charge Betty Smith under the ‘My Wife is a Cuckolding Ho’ Act. The act, passed in 1837, strictly forbids cuckolding with a delivery boy of any type, especially the pizza variety.

If charged, Smith could face being tarred-and-feathered, or have a scarlet letter placed on her bodice, with the latter not really sounding like much of a punishment for a cheating skank.

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Today think of 13 things that make your really horney making you want to rub your clit or cock. Think of these things all day long and when you get home, right when you lay down flicker your nipples for 40 minutes with no touching your Area at all. When the 40 minutes is up go take a cold shower and off to bed!

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